September 1st, 2019
To say you’re my least favorite season isn’t an insult. It’s just that I love the other seasons that much more, and the other seasons, for me, don’t have the inherent sadness that you do.
See, as soon as you begin, Summer, I start to think about when you’re going to leave. How soon you’ll be gone. How many nice days I have left and if I can count them on my fingers and toes.
I’ve always felt like this, even when I was a kid. And I swim between trying to actually be in the moment and absolutely being lost in the dread of knowing that nothing gold can stay.
The last week has been absolutely awful for me on the inside. Explainable and unexplainable phenomena that have haunted me since I can remember but feel new every time. This week has been the worst.
But I just feel lucky now that I know how to get through it. That I have tools and tricks that I’ve learned and, generally, healthy ways of dealing with dark feelings. I lean into being positive, sometimes too heavily, and that wasn’t always me.
So good bye, Summer.
Thank you for reminding me that I can get through the feelings that outlast the sunshine.