How To Be Kind & Think For Yourself

June 7th, 2023

I was going to write about something else today, but Elliot Page has a new book coming out and I’ve been watching his insightful interviews and I want to talk about how we decide to be decent people.

Sometimes, more than often than I’d hope, somebody around me will say something disrespectful or just gross about someone else based solely on their race or body or gender or sexual identity.

Sometimes, I don’t say anything. That can be from shock or not knowing how to confront it or my own lack of courage in certain situations. I feel like I’m getting better, but I have a long way to go (and, to be honest, I have a long way to go everywhere).

But other times, I do say something. And it is strange how many times people will accuse me of being “politically correct” or ask me if I’m just caving in to societal pressure.

It’s bizarre because it hasn’t occurred to them that I am calling out their abhorrent behavior because I, personally, find it to be abhorrent.

That it’s possible that over the years I’ve been on this planet, I have developed my mind, my heart, my own set of morals, and there is no outside force deciding for me whether a person is being kind or not.

But it also makes sense, because a lot of people do let groups tell them what to do, how to feel, and who to hate.

If someone supports banning books, or is scared of drag queens, or angry at a particular race, or afraid of trans people, or has a fear of a fictional disease like “woke mind virus,” these are not personal decisions; they are generalizations, groups telling you what groups are dangerous or to be feared when none of us — not me, not you — are a group, but individuals, different, to be met and loved (or disliked) on our own terms.

It’s easier to generalize than to do the work of getting to know each other; the very human work of having conversations with our neighbors.

And when someone like Elliot decides to tell his story, I think we owe it to him to listen. To try to understand. That’s what Pride is all about: honesty, respect, understanding, celebration.

We owe it to each other to do the work. We owe it to each other to be kind and to invite one another to sit at our table and talk.

Connection is medicine and we feel sick as ever.

And the people who tell everyone else to think for themselves could use a good dose of thinking for themselves.