January 19th, 2025
It’s funny, trying to unlearn the ways the internet has broken our brains and reverse the damage life has done to our hearts.
The world feels like it’s turning faster than normal lately, and I’m not really writing about any of it. Nobody is asking me to, but then again, nobody ever did. I used to write about everything, and I used to write a lot more. This might be a block.
There are reasons we put ourselves out there, wherever out there is. Out there could be the phone of the kid you used to sit next to in the third grade, who is now in their late thirties and having an existential crisis. Out there could be a public computer at the library, a stereo speaker, the bumper of your car, a book, a television screen, a blog, a bulletin board in a coffee shop, a t-shirt, a theater stage, a decade-old iPad, a note you wrote in an hour of quiet desperation.
The reasons themselves are just as plenty. We do it for the likes, of course. The likes! The attention! The discourse! But wait: there’s more.
We share to be social. We try to relate; we also measure ourselves, often misreading the rulers. We ask questions and, at our very best, we attempt to answer them. We judge each other’s posts like we do gossip, evaluating our reactions and insights to past and current events to gain a better understanding of the people we inhabit this planet with. We do it to connect and, maybe even more often, we do it to block.
I said I used to write a lot more and I did; I would sometimes publish several essays a day. There are so many things to speak about now and I have spoken so little: fire and floods, warfare and genocides, technological and environmental uncertainty, bad politics and worsening conditions, the deflating pop of culture. I have barely peeped. I did cry a little on camera, but that’s just a Tuesday for me.
I’ve been really thinking about my reason.
My why has always been wanting to have a conversation with you. Some times I do that better than others. When I wrote more, it wasn’t because I was trying to please an algorithm or collect a basket of likes; it was because I genuinely had a lot of things I wanted to talk to you about.
Honestly, right now, the whole world has got me feeling broken in a way that I just don’t want to talk about.
I avoid the news. I generate a constant hum of anxiety. I am overwhelmed. And none of these are feelings I generally want to share.
So then why am I writing now?
For the same reason I always have: to talk to you. To let you know that if you’re feeling the same way, you’re not alone. If you feel the pressure from others to constantly have to say something, do something, be something, this is your written permission slip to tell them to fuck right off. You don’t need to leave social media or move to a different social media or even invent a new social media; you don’t have to do anything at all.
I watched the TikTok drama unfold from afar; it just confirmed to me that this is the dumbest country on the planet, and we are a deep reservoir for the world’s pity and a reliable, renewable source for their laughter.
We need to not be beholden to countries or platforms; that means we have to stop giving them everything. All our attention. All our love. Our entire personalities and souls.
I can’t be alone in feeling this disarray; there have to be others who know that the antidote won’t be discovered in the venom.
I can’t be the only person who understands that connection won’t come from the block.
The Den 
Hi Dennis,
You are definitely not alone in feeling this disarray of our society/planet! The internet, social media, and the news have all broken us. People on this planet are just ignorant, but many are alone. You hear people say that Covid started all this. It did not! We as a society were already like this. But it was made more prevalent or noticeable after covid. No matter the age, people are so stressed by their jobs and their life, that they turn to others on social media for hopes in gaining some acknowledgement, to be seen and heard by others due to their isolation or low self-worth. Or they take out their personal disappointments or opinions on others publicly to be heard and seen by others. We all want/need to be seen! I believe it is in our DNA. It is sad to know that someone who may be 14, 26, or even 75 are sad and alone. I use these #s because I know from conversation, social media posts, and decisions they make, that they are alone in their life, and want and need validation. Whether that is because they are a teenager going through all the not so fun teenager stuff we all have gone through, or a young adult that has had multiple things go wrong with their life this new year, and they feel they will never get ahead in life, or an elderly father that lives alone, and his only communication/contact with the outside world, is his full time job, working with disabled children on a school bus, and then goes home to an empty house at the end of his day and turns to his phone and Tik Tok, out of boredom/for distraction. I feel everyone could use some type of therapy, even it is just to have someone to talk to about our past demons and present challenges. Everyone needs someone! When I see someone do something that I do not agree with, I try to put myself in their shoes and say, they must need someone in their life, or I do not know their situation. I try not to judge. (Being perfectly honest, while driving, this is very difficult. I know I tend to get road rage feelings toward other drivers. Not proud to admit this) I tend to be a positive thinker and when my own family members get angry or act in a way I know they can change the outcome by their actions, I remind them: You have the power and choice to manage your emotions and change how this conversation is going to go; you can choose how to react (but believe me that takes a lot of restraint and patience): active listening is key; I feel that people just do not listen anymore, they react! As much as the internet, and social media have broken us and I despise a lot of the waste of time platforms, there is some good that has come about from them as well. I find other people are so knowledgeable on so many topics and I love reading and learning from others: people like you included.
Anyway, I am rambling. I just felt moved to write to you and tell you: I hear you, I see you! You are always a ray of sunshine when we see you at Gary’s (I know it is part of the customer service role). You are choosing to interact, be interested, and be present with us, and we appreciate it. Thank you for your transparency and openness with your thoughts and feelings. Have a GREAT day! “)
-Kari
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Hi, Kari!
I figured I wasn’t alone in this feeling and sharing these feelings can make others feel less alone; that’s a lesson I’ve learned again and again and have taken to heart. One of the saddest part of how lonely so many people are is that we often do it to ourselves; we cut ourselves off, we turn deeply inward, we do or say things that are mean and hurtful and wonder why people don’t want us around. I agree that covid didn’t start any of this, but really did exasperate it; the internet can be a tool for good or ill and increasingly it feels abundantly ill.
I’ve written several essays about how all human beings want is to be heard; I learned that early on in my restaurant career and keeping that in mind keeps my empathy wide open. Like you said, you never know what someone is going through or why they share the things they decide to share with you. We have a need to connect and good connections create and maintain good people. I’m a generally positive person, too, but there are days when it’s difficult to trace the silver linings.
Choosing how to react is a big thing I’m working on; my last essay was all about emotional intelligence, and I’m really into this lately. How we are affects how everyone else is, and that’s no more apparent than in the people we look to as leaders. They determine how the rest of us act in the world in no small way.
I really appreciate you reaching out! I’m glad to have been a small part of enriching your day when you visit the restaurant. I hope you take care and stay warm and we’ll see you soon!
Dennis
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