June 20th, 2023
I was working at my first adult serving job when a woman sat down in my section and radically changed my perspective on people.
Applebee’s was the catalyst for this revelation.
See, I worked at Chili’s. And this woman wanted — nay, was compelled — to tell me about a terrible restaurant experience she just had… at Applebee’s, the place across the street.
She talked and she talked (holy shit, she talked) and I listened, though I was confused and, eventually, upset. Why was she telling me a story that had nothing to do with my restaurant, that had nothing to do with me, that wasn’t a thing we could (or should be expected to) fix?
I was bad at being a young person. By that, I mean I think I was a regular young person. At least a normal young man. I learned slow, when I decided to learn anything at all.
But something about this interaction made me want to think hard on it. So I did. I tried to sit in her booth and be her, figure out my motives for telling this boy at Chili’s about the terrible time I had somewhere else.
And I got there.
She just wanted to be understood.
I think that when she tried to tell her story at Applebee’s, she didn’t feel heard. And maybe she told friends or family and, still, she didn’t feel as though they really understood the trauma she had endured at her friendly neighborhood bar and grill.
When she left, she thanked me for really listening. She actually told me she knew it didn’t make sense, but she felt better after sharing with me.
People want to be heard, sure, but what people really want is to be understood.
And that is what Cold World is about.
Beyond the ideas of science-fiction and loss and grief and faith and spirituality that I’ve already touched on, Cold World is a story about the ultimate power: understanding.
The internet didn’t create us; it’s just an amplifier. And we made it about me.
Look at me, see me, listen to me, read me, want me, follow me, me, me, me, me, me.
We are very good at me. But the reason we feel so lonely while simultaneously so interconnected is because we mostly feel seen and heard, but not understood.
You can have the attention of millions of people, a whole world; but when someone, a single person, truly understands you, your whole world changes.
Calef argues that understanding is true power, and he and I couldn’t agree more.
I’ve known that since the day I thought too hard about an Applebee’s whilst standing in a Chili’s.
The Den 