July 9th, 2019
My only goal is to put one more good day between me and the person I used to be.
This may sound brutal and typically too honest from me, but sometimes I really understand why Bradley Cooper killed himself at the end of A Star Is Born. To wake up every day with the memories of everything you have ever said and done is heavy. And sometimes it makes you lose sight of the truth that it’s not all you are. You were never always bad. You were never always a burden. You were always more than your worst.
Like Natasha and Clint acknowledge in Endgame, you should never judge or be judged solely by your worst days.
And when you make that decision to burn the soil, to start removing the weeds and pests underneath, you can’t expect to find new grass growing tomorrow. Whenever someone still doubts me or my honesty, my initial reaction is, “Can’t they read my mind? Can’t they see inside my head, and see how honest I’ve been for a long time now?”
Of course they can’t. And it takes humility to understand you put them in that place to begin with.
To anyone who is doing things to change their lives for the better in any way, one day at a time: even though I’ve been at it for a while, the only medallion I keep in my pocket is for 24 hours. Because that’s the most important one. Because that’s all it takes. And I collect each good day and keep it in a place between me and the person I used to be.