On Gender

February 21st, 2022

I know there are people out there who are having difficulty while having conversations about gender. I, with people I know personally, have been trying to build bridges between those gaps in connection.

A version of the conversation I’ve been having is in an upcoming book of mine, but I feel like it may be helpful as a post for those who have been having any difficulties in understanding. Difficulties come with change, and for everyone, change is hard.

Basically, I’ve been asking people two simple questions to challenge their idea of gender.

The first question I ask is: “Do you believe in a soul?”

Every single person I have asked this question to has answered yes.

The second question I ask is: “Do you think a soul has a gender?”

Every single person I have asked this question to has had no idea how to answer it.

And that’s the beginning of thinking differently. Once a person gets removed from the basic molecules that make up you and me and coffee cups, they start to think about what makes a living being a living being.

The unique thing about a word like “soul” is that it doesn’t actually mean anything. It describes nothing. When I say “carrot,” you think of a carrot. A carrot is a definable thing. A soul is, by definition, undefinable. The word “soul” means something different to everyone.

But it has a heavy pull on how we define being human. And once you think about the gravity of being, you think about the freedom you have in being exactly who you want to be.

For fun, ask a Christian who gave birth to Eve. They will, with a completely straight face, have to tell you Adam did. Adam, a man, gave life to Eve, a woman, even though any person with a working knowledge of how babies are made will tell you that can’t be.

Additionally, they are told that a Man, with a capital He, created everything when, in reality, everything is created by women.

Why that happens to be is not coincidental, and is another post altogether, but it’s good food for thought.

All these questions, though, mean nothing next to simple kindness, which is all we can give each other. I live by the code, “People are who they say they are,” and if I believe them and they lie, it says everything about the both of us.

Most people don’t want to lie. They want to be heard, and accepted, and loved. And that is the pathway to bliss that comes from understanding.