August 12th, 2026
Last night at work we were talking about identity and it inspired me to come up with a scenario that a fifth-grader could clearly understand.
At our restaurant, we have a neat deal: if your name is Gary, you get 50% off your meal (up to $15 [this is not a paid promotion]).
I turned to a co-worker and asked: “Is your name Gary?” They shook their head no. I followed that up with: “Do you get the Gary discount?” They said no again.
It’s really that simple.
Identity is how you move through life. In a perfect world, it’s how the world sees you and how you see yourself. If your name is Steve, and you identify as Steve, and you turn your head when people say “Steve”, but you suddenly turn into Gary when a small discount is offered, that says more about you than it does society.
Because that’s one of the most frequent “jokes” I hear: “Well, what if I identity as a Gary today?” And then it makes sense: of course the kind of person who would lie about their own identify for some kind of benefit would think that other people are doing the exact same thing.
It’s almost like they’re telling on themselves.
Unlike a lot of MAGA, I actually have friendships I cherish with trans and non-binary people. And I can tell you one thing: at no point did being honest about who they are make their lives in society any easier. They did not get $15 off for being themselves. But it was still better than living a lie.
I have always said I have the utmost respect for people who dig down deep, who really reach as far as they can in the search for who they are. I’ve found that many people who lie, about identity or otherwise, are predatory and insecure; they lie to gain power, popularity, acceptance, all at the expense of those living authentically. You see it in politics and on barstools and online and anywhere people want to be loved but choose to be fake or insincere, preferring a false adoration to an honest respect.
Just a little food for thought. No discount necessary.
The Den 