July 9th, 2021
It’s a complicated thing, being a being who has complicated thoughts.
It means that you’re as much of the things you don’t say as the things you do.
Regularly, when I go to check on something I’ve posted, I’ll see those three tiny dots dancing in the comment section. It means someone is typing something. So I’ll wait for a moment to see what this mysterious person has to say, and then nothing will be said. This has happened hundreds of times.
And then I’ll wonder what that person had to say. Were they mad at me? Were they about to call out my entire existence and reveal me as the fraud I am? Did I touch them in such a profound way that it compelled them to try to express it to me? Did they laugh or cry or have something equally profound to say back to me?
Who the heck is the person even having all these feelings anyway?
And it reminds me that we human beings do this all the time. All day, we have these three dots in our heads, ready to react to any- and everything around us.
Sometimes, we hit enter. We say the thing that the dots represent in our minds.
But mostly, we don’t.
And just because we don’t, it doesn’t mean that the thoughts we have aren’t as much a part of us as the things we share.
And that’s complicated, yo.
Because you have these things living inside you, and most people only know a sample size version of it. So we feel misunderstood and misrepresented and there’s honestly nothing we can do about it.
Except to keep hitting enter.
So I hope the next time you’re the three dots I see, you let me know what they mean.
Because it’s only way I get to know you.