October 1st, 2021
Tomorrow is the first day of Twin Cities Con. And I’m anxious.
I wrote about anxiety earlier this week, and I thought I’d follow those thoughts up with these feelings I’m having while I’m in the moment.
Every single time an event like this comes along, I’m filled like an over-stuffed donut with a jelly of every emotion. It’s like the first day of school, a brand new job and a family reunion all smushed together. Sure, there’s anticipation and excitement here, but also a sometimes overwhelming feeling of dread fueled by my own unreasonable expectations for myself.
I always want to be friendly and entertaining and inclusive and, like walking a tightrope, I am terrified of slipping and falling from those personal goalposts.
I’m always flattered when someone says I’m a “natural” at any of this, that I am clearly in my element during these days, but that’s simply not true. I had to learn a lot of this, and I’m still learning so much each time.
I don’t think “extrovert” and “introvert” are accurate concrete phrases to describe any individual. I think we’re all a combination of both extroverted and introverted features, and there are days we can’t choose which ones will take the lead.
All I know is I love creating and I love people and I love talking about stuff I love. I put my faith in that — the fact that I really do care too much about everything — and cross my fingers, close my eyes, and try to remember to breathe.
If you’re anxious about tomorrow, no matter what it is you’re doing, you’re not alone. I hope you’re able to remember what you bring to the table, to the building, to the world, and that it’s enough to pull you through the proverbial fire.