Pre-Show Jitters

October 1st, 2021

Tomorrow is the first day of Twin Cities Con. And I’m anxious.

I wrote about anxiety earlier this week, and I thought I’d follow those thoughts up with these feelings I’m having while I’m in the moment.

Every single time an event like this comes along, I’m filled like an over-stuffed donut with a jelly of every emotion. It’s like the first day of school, a brand new job and a family reunion all smushed together. Sure, there’s anticipation and excitement here, but also a sometimes overwhelming feeling of dread fueled by my own unreasonable expectations for myself.

I always want to be friendly and entertaining and inclusive and, like walking a tightrope, I am terrified of slipping and falling from those personal goalposts.

I’m always flattered when someone says I’m a “natural” at any of this, that I am clearly in my element during these days, but that’s simply not true. I had to learn a lot of this, and I’m still learning so much each time.

I don’t think “extrovert” and “introvert” are accurate concrete phrases to describe any individual. I think we’re all a combination of both extroverted and introverted features, and there are days we can’t choose which ones will take the lead.

All I know is I love creating and I love people and I love talking about stuff I love. I put my faith in that — the fact that I really do care too much about everything — and cross my fingers, close my eyes, and try to remember to breathe.

It helps.

If you’re anxious about tomorrow, no matter what it is you’re doing, you’re not alone. I hope you’re able to remember what you bring to the table, to the building, to the world, and that it’s enough to pull you through the proverbial fire.

Published by dennisvogen

I'm me, of course. Or am I?

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