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June 25th, 2023

Seeing people so unabashedly, recklessly happy has filled my insides.

I would love to do something weird and thank everyone who went to Twin Cities Pride and Taylor Swift this weekend.

Through the magic of being human, your joy has been a highlight of my summer; you are all a Bomb Pop in my hand on an unbearably hot day.

This week, I’ve seen friends in different places on paths to getting better. I’m proud of them.

And tonight I learned my friend died.

I know how to deal with this. I have half a decade of knowing better.

I don’t know how to deal with this. When my heart breaks it always breaks like it’s the first time.

I alternate between being rational, a state I achieve using tools I had to work hard to get, and being irrational, my natural state. My rational state is progress; my irrational self is death left unchecked.

I’m sad, but I also got to feel so much happiness for so many people this weekend, and if that isn’t fucking living, then I don’t know what is.