November 26th, 2020
Today I’m grateful for my sneak-a-peeks.
Those moments when you’re asleep and someone who loves you takes the opportunity to look at you for a longer-than-normal period of time. Those moments when you get to do the same when someone you love is napping across from you on the couch.
My mom was always sneaking peeks.
I can remember nights when she’d walk to the bathroom, and on her way back she’d sneak a peek into each of our bedrooms. At the time I didn’t get it, but now I understand that she was just filling up her mental camera roll, getting some good shots, for the days when we weren’t under the same roof, for in case we would ever be gone.
I learned how to do the same.
I’m grateful for the opportunity I afford myself to appreciate a moment, and let myself be a weirdo and really take it all in. The quiet ones, the stressful ones, the subtle ones, the life-changing ones.
The time you take to memorize crease lines and eyebrows and beauty marks and fur, sometimes.
It being a weird Thanksgiving helps it feel not like a First. A First, everybody reminds you, will always be the hardest. But I’ve only cried twice today, and as I sneak a peek at the puppy on my lap under the blanket right now, I know that as long as I keep peeking, a part of her is alive in me.