Delightfully Tasteless

May 9th, 2021

For this Mother’s Day, my first without my own, I was digging through my memories, trying to think of the most touching, tasteful, darling story I could share about my mom.

But that wasn’t her, not mostly. She was fun and mischievous and sometimes, delightfully, downright tasteless.

This is one of those stories.

I don’t know who here remembers Shinders, but the location in Burnsville was an vital part of my childhood. It was my main source of comic books growing up, and magazines and collectibles, like cards.

When we got a little older, we also discovered there was a back room. I don’t know who here remembers back rooms, but Shinders had one.

I had a friend who was older than me, and had looked like an adult since he was 12 years old. (I won’t name him here for the sake of anonymity.) One day, he had ventured into the back room and emerged from within, alive, with a VHS tape.

I don’t know who here remembers VHS tapes.

On that particular tape was particularly tasteful adult content. He purchased it, put it into a brown paper bag within another plastic bag (again, for anonymity) and we made our way back to my house.

Back at my room, I sat down at my desk and turned on my computer. He sat down on the bed and immediately put the tape in the player to see what treasure he had plundered from the sexy cave of wonders.

A few minutes passed and, like a miracle of bad (or brilliant) timing, my mom walked into the room.

I look over at him who looks over at her who is looking right at the TV and I swear to god his face was going to melt off like that guy’s at the end of Raiders of the Last Ark.

And what does she do? This mischievous, delightfully tasteless woman?

She sits down right next to him on the bed and slaps her arm around him.

And I watched his skeleton rip out of his skin and jump out the window.

Honestly, we all just broke into the kind of laughter that she constantly inspired and shared and I miss that so much about her.

I miss her.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you and all of yours. Hold ’em, hug ’em, give ’em all the kisses. They deserve it all, and always better.

Published by dennisvogen

I'm me, of course. Or am I?

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