December 9th, 2021
It’s not my birthday today. But I did begin to exist in the world in a new way. I am four years sober as of right this moment.
This will come as no surprise if you know how dramatic I can be, but for a long time I was waiting for the Big One: an event so massive and life-altering that I would be forced to admit that I had hit rock bottom, and I would have to get sober. Like you see on TV.
It was an abstract event in my mind. Something serious, something life-threatening. A black hole nexus point.
But that isn’t what happened. Instead, I had what I have repeatedly referred to as a “spiritual vomiting”; my brain and my heart couldn’t take the way I was living anymore and I vowed to get sober that weekend, on my own. I’ve recounted what happened next a handful of times, but long story short, I ended up in the hospital for a week (it was a blast) and have been sober since.
I didn’t have a lose-it-all, impossible-to-deny rock bottom moment. I managed to keep most of the relationships I had (and probably am a lot better at those relationships now). I never got a DUI or had any legal trouble. I didn’t die.
So how would this lifestyle shift stick if I didn’t know how bad it could really get? I had maybe reached rock middle.
Since then, I’ve heard a phrase countless times that defines my experience.
Rock bottom is whenever you decide to stop digging.
Once that idea took root in my mind, I realized I didn’t need it to get any worse to appreciate how amazing this life can be.
I created The Flying Squirrel while I was still a drinker. I actually wrote him getting sober before I admitted I had a problem. Eventually, I caught up with him, and he inspired me to talk about all this stuff and more. I’ve connected to so many people since.
If you’re hanging in there, I’m proud of you, no matter what it looks like. Whether it’s for years or days or just a moment at a time, I hope you’re able to connect to what this place is all about.
I am a grateful squirrel. All my love.