Delusional Resolutions

January 24th, 2022 Have you ever started a day by telling yourself that this is the day you’ll get better, and at the end of it you’re not? If so, then this one’s for you. When I was a mess, I would often have conversations with future me. I would say, “Hey. It’s me. I’mContinue reading “Delusional Resolutions”

My Covid Diary

January 14th, 2022 I just made it through my CDC-recommended quarantine. I think most of the people who have had covid (and talk about it) share their physical symptoms. Because of this one-dimensional barometer, you’ll find other people minimize what it is that happens when you’re infected. By that measure, I had sniffles and coughs.Continue reading “My Covid Diary”

Fantastic Four (years sober)

December 9th, 2021 It’s not my birthday today. But I did begin to exist in the world in a new way. I am four years sober as of right this moment. This will come as no surprise if you know how dramatic I can be, but for a long time I was waiting for theContinue reading “Fantastic Four (years sober)”

it sucks

November 25th, 2021 It sucks, but there is a lot to be thankful for. This is the second round of holidays without my mom, and I am so excited to share that it gets 100% easier and that, after year one, there are no struggles or bad feelings or mornings I wake up crying forContinue reading “it sucks”

I’m Hungry But I’m Not Hungry

November 5th, 2021 An exploration of addiction through my personal experience, evolutionary theories, and Galactus & the Silver Surfer.   “I’m hungry but I’m not hungry.” Before everything, it was a feeling. By now, I’ve heard countless people say this phrase or a variation of it. Before that, I used to think it repeatedly, sayContinue reading “I’m Hungry But I’m Not Hungry”

The Loop

November 3rd, 2021 Do you ever feel like you’re in a loop? ?pool a ni er’uoy ekil leef reve uoy oD I hear it a lot. “Every day feels the same.” When a TV show lasts a long time, it tends to turn off viewers for a variety of reasons. Yet, somehow, people are usuallyContinue reading “The Loop”

The Monster

October 15th, 2021 I wrote this weeks ago, but this has been a difficult one to let go into the world. As of tomorrow, the 16th, my mom has been gone for one whole orbit around the sun. In that year, I’ve told a lot of stories about her and how I feel some daysContinue reading “The Monster”

float on

October 8th, 2021 It’s spooky season, so it’s finally appropriate that everything feels so ephemeral to me. Sometimes loss feels like weight, but lately it has felt like nothing at all, smoke that used to be wood that you realize you never could have actually carried forever. That scares me. When I was young, IContinue reading “float on”

Something > Nothing

September 28th, 2021 Someone close to me shared a video of a TED Talk about anxiety yesterday morning. I am nothing if not consistently anxious; if anxiety were an electrical current, I am always at a level where you would receive a static shock if you tapped on my shoulder. Beyond describing the different formsContinue reading “Something > Nothing”

buoy

September 17th, 2021 I was trying to describe how it can feel to open up to someone tonight and it felt oddly comforting to find the words and say them. It was about why someone who is hurting may not reach out to another person who is hurting, too, but might rather seek to speakContinue reading “buoy”