August 24th, 2022
Mystery is an amateur magic show.
I get frequently asked why I tell people stuff on the internet. Like, the stuff you shouldn’t really tell people, the stuff people don’t talk about like I think they should, the stuff that is heavy or hard.
I do it because I feel like we should all play with our cards face-up on the table; I played for too long with indoor sunglasses and extra cards up my sleeves, bluffing and lying and cheating my way through games.
I figure if I give everyone the ammunition and evidence they need to know they are a better person than I am, then they might find themselves open about being open with me, in mind, heart, or opinion. They repeat what I tell them.
“You’re a drunk.”
“You’ve said and done shitty things.”
Uh-huh, yeah, turns out people find that relatable.
“You’re still kind of a dick.”
I am, but I am also actively working against that, to change that, even when I fail. Especially when I fail. And I fail a lot.
I fail more when I’m not honest with you.
Some say that people should earn the right to really know you and your secrets; that your story is special and only individuals you trust should have access to those rooms in you.
There are a lot of people who believe in being mysterious, and that there is some kind of honor and dignity in keeping things to yourself.
I’m here to reveal that mystery never helped a person get better. I want to tell you that if someone had given me an instruction manual on how to help myself that I could understand, I would have gotten better a long time ago.
Mystery is for people who do not want to help; mystery is spectacle for people who don’t want to do any work. Secrets are kept by those who want to retain power; sharing secrets gives power to other people.
I am not mystery. I am verbose, urgent, messy. I am exact wants and specific needs. I am here, shouting into a black electronic void of our own creation, not sure if anyone can actually see or hear me, but screaming all the same.
I am not an illusion. I am the pain and pressure of showing you how the trick works, and the ecstacy of pulling it off in front of a live audience.
The actual magic is in the giving.