One Last Thing

December 24th, 2022

Tomorrow is a last thing and this time of year brings up a lot of last things.

The last time she made the thing you love.

The last time she laughed at one of your jokes, and you laughed at her laugh.

The last time you sat next to her at the table, and swore she was cheating at cards, and that you didn’t want to sit next to her again.

The last time you watched a Christmas movie together on the couch; the last time you watched a movie with her next to her hospital bed.

The last time she told you to drive safe, and put her arms around you, and kissed you on the cheek, and said she loved you, closing the door of your childhood home behind you, the creak comforting and a reminder of frailty.

If you’re sad or upset or lonely around the holidays, I’m not being insincere or impersonal when I say I understand.

There is no secret for getting through it. Sometimes I find real joy or hope in my life; sometimes I pretend so hard I think I’m going to wake up with a breakdown.

I understand that the show must go on.

I try to cry during intermissions.

And I remind myself that you and I are doing our best, making sure our endings remember our beginnings, because all endings are, in fact, beginnings.

Change is hard and loss is hard but being vulnerable is easy if we let it.

So I don’t hope for a perfect holiday for you this year, or any.

Just one where you can be open if you need to, and okay enough.

Happy holidays. Here is a photo of a girl who understands all this far better than we do.

Published by dennisvogen

I'm me, of course. Or am I?

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