April 26th, 2023
I’ve been distant. (Don’t act like you noticed. We can only hold 150 people in our heads and I’m not one of them.) Usually when I sit down and type one of these I have a central idea or general theme or, you know, a point.
That is not what this is. All I have today is a head that sounds like a paper bag carrying broken glass, half-filled with half-full ideas.
My birthday is on Monday. (I swear to god if you wish me a happy birthday in the comments it’ll just prove you never listen.)
I’ve been sharing a video called The A.I. Dilemma with my friends because it terrifies me and I want them to be terrified with me, too. The worst part of A.I. is what we don’t know. Which is anything, really.
I’ve been reading all the Jesus parts of the Bible (which, if you know me, should be simultaneously surprising and not surprising at all). I’m not religious but I think Jesus was a dope philosopher. One of my favorite parts is when someone asked Jesus how many times a person should forgive another. Jesus says something like, “Seven. Psych! Try seventy TIMES seven,” and because this was a time before digital calculators, that number was just so fucking big. No one could do it in their head.
I read a really good article on why people change after becoming obsessed with something like Fox News, and it all boiled down to one obvious, heartbreaking conclusion: anger is addictive. It, like a drug, makes the user feel alive. We all just want to feel alive.
I’m always working on art, and I’m always having an existential crisis about it. I obsess over what will happen if I die before I can get this world-changing sentence or story into the world, and then I do, and the sentence or story exists, and gets old, and nothing has changed. But I still get that feeling every single time I work.
Does anyone stop to think before they boycott something? Like, you guys, Bud Light. Do you think that maybe they know exactly who they want to be associated with now, that this is a precise plan, and if you’re a bigot or jerk blowing up their cans with a shotgun, they’re happy to declare to people they’re NOT with you? I mean, what kind of business would seek out a sane, inclusive, kind customer base? Turns out: quite a few of them.
In related news, I know, for a fact, Kid Rock and I would not get along, which means I learned Bawitdaba for nothing.
If you want to know exactly how American society has become the way it is today, look up the 1939 New York World’s Fair. It introduces two concepts: the control of people through consumerism, and the freeway system. Both game changers, and not in a good way.
If a person never finds their place, then are they ever truly displaced?
It’s weird that we get mad at children like we’ve never been children, and get mad at other people’s mistakes like we never make mistakes.
I’m scattered all over because I think I’m just scared. I’m scared of the future, scared to go outside, scared to drive my car, scared of getting older on Monday.
The fear passes, like thoughts pass, like breaths go on and on until they stop.
Perfection is meaningless. Connection is meaningful.
Natalie Portman once said in an interview that she doesn’t think dreams mean anything. It changed how I felt about her forever. Dreams mean everything.
I think most people feel like they give more than they get. I do. Maybe you don’t. I need to think more like you.
The Matrix is real.
We give ourselves to the machine that takes and takes until it has everything, and then, it beeps and moans that it needs just a little more.