it sucks

November 25th, 2021 It sucks, but there is a lot to be thankful for. This is the second round of holidays without my mom, and I am so excited to share that it gets 100% easier and that, after year one, there are no struggles or bad feelings or mornings I wake up crying forContinue reading “it sucks”

I’m Hungry But I’m Not Hungry

November 5th, 2021 An exploration of addiction through my personal experience, evolutionary theories, and Galactus & the Silver Surfer.   “I’m hungry but I’m not hungry.” Before everything, it was a feeling. By now, I’ve heard countless people say this phrase or a variation of it. Before that, I used to think it repeatedly, sayContinue reading “I’m Hungry But I’m Not Hungry”

So What

October 20th, 2021 Almost four years ago, when I started writing about things that people generally don’t talk about on the internet, it was scary. I remember laying in a hospital bed and weighing the pros and cons of sharing these pieces of myself. There was a large part of me that felt like IContinue reading “So What”

The Monster

October 15th, 2021 I wrote this weeks ago, but this has been a difficult one to let go into the world. As of tomorrow, the 16th, my mom has been gone for one whole orbit around the sun. In that year, I’ve told a lot of stories about her and how I feel some daysContinue reading “The Monster”

float on

October 8th, 2021 It’s spooky season, so it’s finally appropriate that everything feels so ephemeral to me. Sometimes loss feels like weight, but lately it has felt like nothing at all, smoke that used to be wood that you realize you never could have actually carried forever. That scares me. When I was young, IContinue reading “float on”

buoy

September 17th, 2021 I was trying to describe how it can feel to open up to someone tonight and it felt oddly comforting to find the words and say them. It was about why someone who is hurting may not reach out to another person who is hurting, too, but might rather seek to speakContinue reading “buoy”

Dark Dreams

September 10th, 2021 “I know this sounds like a happy, impossibly perfect ending, but it’s not. I have to work really hard for this. It’s not easy to talk. It’s not easy to ask for help. It’s not easy to accept that others want to help. Like cancer, there is always the fear that itContinue reading “Dark Dreams”

It Should (Not) Have Been Me

September 9th, 2021 There can be an odd guilt with grief that, if understood, can actually be a good thing. I often talk about all these tools I’ve learned as an adult, sober person, but I usually refer to them in the abstract. One of the specific tools I have to take out of theContinue reading “It Should (Not) Have Been Me”

CODA Review

August 30th, 2021 It is common to look at art and, no matter how different it is from you, find something in common. It is rare to find art that is made for the very specific life that you’ve lived. I do not need a new streaming service, but I’d been eyeing Apple TV+ forContinue reading “CODA Review”

Crocodile Fears

August 22nd, 2021 There was this game we used to play with a plastic crocodile when I was a kid. I’m not sure if our role was as dentist or some sadistic torturer (I mean, why would any animal need ALL its teeth removed?), but to take a turn would require you to choose andContinue reading “Crocodile Fears”