The Den

Big Fish & Potted Plants

January 2nd, 2020

I’ve had two ideas in my head all day:

The concept that fish only grow to the size of their tanks.

And the phrase, “Bloom where you’re planted” (which I saw last night on Instagram).

So first, the fish thing: I was thinking of how it applied to people who are considered “big fish in little ponds.” People whose talent or power is being contained or trapped in a small town or a no-name region.

And then I thought: “How stupid is that?” When did we start judging fish on their physical size? Can’t a fish who is small in stature be a fierce predator or rare specimen? Of course they can. So I Googled that shit. And sure enough:

“There are a variety of factors that can limit a fish’s ability to grow properly, but the size of the tank isn’t one of them.”

Which brings me to the phrase, “Bloom where you’re planted.” It can mean so many things, which is why I love it so much. It’s a multiverse of meme verbiage.

To me, it means to bring the best of yourself to every person and each situation, regardless of the perceived value. It also means that you don’t have to be in a particular location to be amazing. Just like you don’t need a specific tank to be the best fish.

Let’s say your dream is to be an actor. So, you want to move to California.

This is fine. Goals are good.

But here’s the thing: just because you want to move to California someday does not mean you can’t live this day to the fullest. If you’re always living in tomorrow, always thinking about where you want to go or where you’d rather be, you are going to miss out on your life. Everything that is happening right now. You will break hearts, not the least of which will be your own. And even if you think your gifts and talents exceed where you are planted right now, let me share a secret with you:

They don’t.

They may lead you down new paths and to bigger lakes, but that doesn’t mean they can’t mean something here, and now.

So don’t be the biggest fish. Be the strongest plant. Be the most stunning flower in any garden you find yourself in.

And watch your life grow instantly.

Marshmallows

December 31st, 2019

I have a bad habit. (Okay, I know you’re reading this and thinking, “Um, I’ve met you, and you have way more than one bad habit.” Yes, I know I do, Karen, but this post is about one particular habit so just chill out.)

It’s not a harmful habit, but it’s a weird one. (I actually feel weird pointing it out, because people will notice it now, but this is the post.)

Whenever I go to a place, whether we’re walking, or driving, or running (?), I will make a lot of comments about the things around us. I will point out landmarks, I will think of “fun” (dumb) facts that correlate to stuff we see, I will just start talking about whatever we come across and sometimes it seems like I will never stop.

There’s a purpose to all this.

You see, in my experience, people are mostly lost. You can take that how you hear it, but in this case I mean it very literally. If you’re a person who wouldn’t know how to live without your GPS, then you feel seen right now.

Me, not so much.

Because while to you it seems like I’m randomly (and, oh, god, annoyingly) rambling about nothing, I’m actually putting down a trail of marshmallows as we trek through the forest. Because when we have to go back to where we came from, I know exactly where to go, and as I begin recounting all the things I said to you on the way, you know we’ve been here before — and you feel less lost, too.

And as I started to think about that habit of mine, I started to think about something else: that is why I do this. This thing right here. It’s why I write. It’s why I make books and comics and stories and songs and these blog posts.

Everything I write is a handful of breadcrumbs I leave behind, so if I ever need to find myself, I can. And since you can see them, too, you can find me whenever you need me.

And then this idea got bigger: this is why we do anything on social media. You post a picture of your kid or your friends or your dog today so that in five years you can follow that trail back and see what your life used to be. And since you have this tool, this constant in your timeline, it can make you a more complete person today.

I hate to say this, guys, but social media is actually fucking useful.

We chart our own paths, little by little, every single day, and our paths are constantly crossing one another’s. And as we leave our little marshmallows, our breadcrumbs on the trail, a cloud in the sky keeps track of them with us. And now whenever we feel lost, we can go back and look at the people and places and landmarks of our lives and hopefully start to regain some of ourselves.

Which then normalizes my (one) bad, weird habit. And maybe makes it useful, after all.

The Best Television (imho) of the 2010’s

December 30th, 2019

The Best Television (imho) of the 2010’s.

As everyone with an opinion (hello, internet!) gathers to share their best-of lists of the decade, I am going to be uncharacteristically reserved; I don’t think I have a lot to add to the conversation when it comes to topics such as music or film.

But television? Yes, please.

I managed to build a list of my absolute favorite shows that aired, streamed, both broke & repaired my heart — & changed my life sometime between 2010-2020.

Here are 15, listed in alphabetical order (because importance shifts), with brief explanations why.Breaking Bad
What more can be said about this perfect show? Nothing by me, that’s for sure.

Breaking Bad

What more can be said about this perfect show? Nothing by me, that’s for sure.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine

One of THREE series on this list by the incomparable Mike Schur, the 9-9 crew are, hands down, the funniest cops on TV.

Community

This is a show that just gets me.

Doctor Who

I became a Whovian when I met MY doctor, number 11 — the radiant Matt Smith.

Fringe

This show is a secret handshake for me; never as popular as it (or Fox) wanted to be, but deeply loved by the people who know it. I just described how I want to be appreciated as a human.

The Good Place

One of the most important comedies of all time — not self-important, but vital in how it teaches us to think, love & live.

Happy Endings

One of the most underrated comedies of all time.

The Mandalorian

The one thing nearly every Star Wars fan can agree on.

Parks & Recreation

My favorite comedy. Ever. And you are allowed to disagree, but you are also allowed to be wrong.

Rick & Morty

Unadulterated (and brilliantly adult) genius.

Stranger Things

Another show that just gets me, as it uses nostalgia & makes it better.

This Is Us

One of the best-written, expertly-plotted & well-acted dramas on television. Period.

The Umbrella Academy

Superhero television for people who don’t like superheroes. And emo kids.

Watchmen

Superhero television for serious people who understand what superheroes really are.

Westworld

My favorite kind of sci-fi & one of the last water cooler shows alive.

My list. Feel free to love, hate, agree, disagree or discuss.

Just be sure to watch. 💙📺

OK

December 24th, 2019

Okay (definition)

Exclamation: used to express agreement or acceptance.

Adjective: (of a person) in a satisfactory physical or mental state.

Once a week, I spend some time with the most caring, compassionate, brilliant, clever and wise people I have ever met. They’ve taught (or re-taught) me almost every good thing I know; they make me want to be a better person and, better than that, they show me how.

Every time we meet, at least one of them says something along these carefully learned lines:

At the end of the day, all any of us wants to be is okay.

It’s one of the simplest truths, and it applies to all.

And I think it’s helpful to remember this time of year.

Because what I want for you is impossible. I want your holiday season to be spectacular; I want your every moment to be a brilliant light that you never forget. I want the absolute best of everything for you; I want you to have all of the friends, all of the family, all of the time in the world to live in. I want you to have the most exceptional things; not just “stuff,” but feelings, and relationships, and jobs, and a sense of purpose and meaning.

Because that’s the peak. That is the highest mountaintop, and that is the furthest star. And it is unrealistic as fuck.

So when I think about it, there’s only one thing I really want for you:

I want you to be okay.

If the holidays are hard for you, I hope that you have something or someone in your life that keeps you okay. If 2019 was a bad year for you, I hope that 2020 is okay. If you’ve been vibrating on a low, slow frequency for as long as you can remember, I hope you hear a song that makes you feel okay.

And I constantly hope the same for myself.

I am always on the razor-thin lip of okay. And that’s not to say I’m not; since I tip-toe the line, I can always peek my head over the side of the glass to see where I am fine.

I dedicate myself to feeling less anxious, less lonely and less worthless daily.

And that’s what I wish for you.

P.S. If you think you can’t feel okay?

Try a synonym. ❤

Okay (synonyms)

Agreeable, all right, alright, copacetic, ducky, fine, good, hunky-dory, jake [slang], palatable, satisfactory.

CATS: A Review

December 21st, 2019

Watching a man who once played a Holocaust survivor with complete control over magnetism lick milk out of a bowl and then smush his face against a wooden post is not a sight I will soon forget.

Seeing Cats is not an experience I will soon forget.

But wait: there’s more! I actually mean it. Because despite what everybody is saying, I’ll say something else: I don’t think this is a film that should be dismissed.

Let’s start from the beginning: I actually go way back with Cats. I studied it in high school, and while I legitimately can’t tell you what it’s “about,” I can tell you that it fascinates me, it has perfectly fine (fe-line?) tunes, and one of the most perfect (and heartbreaking) songs of all time.

And, like you, I saw the trailer and said, “WTF.” And, maybe not like you, I lived in the reviews that came out over the weekend. The most imaginatively spewing cauldrons of hate were brewed, and I couldn’t help scooping it up. This supposed dumpster fire was giving me life. And with the recent news that the studio was going to update the film’s effects while it’s currently in theaters, I had to go see it now. So I did. I just finished my screening. And I have some thoughts.

Let’s start with the bad. And there is bad. In fact, a lot of it. For example: you think the people who look like cats look weird? Just WAIT until you see the rats who look like people (which elicited an audible, involuntary “oh what the fuck” from me). Idris Elba, whose cat wears a coat for most of the movie, got me to spit take a Skittle when he took it off, revealing a body that looked human, but 100% nude and without a discernable penis.

There is a long list of Cats-isms that I don’t want to ruin for you, because it is part of the fun. It is jarring, and sometimes physically painful to watch, and makes little to no sense if you make the mistake of thinking about it.

But guess what? I also FELT stuff. And I understood what this adaptation got wrong.

One word: imagination.

No, not that this film has it. Nope. It’s that imagination is what makes this piece work. If you tell me you’re a cat, and you act like a cat, I will wholeheartedly believe that you are a cat. When you visually try (way too hard) to convince me you’re a cat, you lose me.

During the opening scene, as Victoria gets used to her new surroundings and we hear the familiar song of the Jellicle cats, I actually didn’t hate it. It gave me hope — hope that was then clawed and stomped upon and scratched from me for a good hour and a half, until two scenes took me by surprise: Jennifer Hudson’s legendary take on “Memory,” and Mr. Mistoffelees’ life-affirming moment, where he convinces the other cats — and, in turn, me — to believe in him. I teared up both times.

And there’s how Cats remained fascinating for me: it’s not only bad, or only good, nor is anything. It is a dumpster fire; but one that’s tempered by the rain of some real emotion that made seeing it worth something for me.

And you get to watch Gandalf use his tongue to bring milk to his mouth. And that’s the real magic.

Break/Character

December 19th, 2019

“That was so out of character.”

I think about character a lot. Maybe it’s because I’m a writer, maybe it’s because I’m a human who is always changing, but often, and usually while I’m lost in thought, drinking my coffee quickly because it’s the perfect temperature, I think about the things that constitute a person’s character.

Can it change? Are there root qualities planted in each person, unbreakable and immutable threads of personality woven through every single unique soul, that gives you your character? Or can character be completely changed from birth to death?

“That was so out of character.” That’s the common comment, a regular complaint of people that sticks in my mind. If you follow a character — in a series of books, in episodes of a TV show, in issues of a comic, in stages of their life — wouldn’t you expect there to be a level of change in that character as they continue to grow and learn and live? And if so, if they do or say something they wouldn’t have five years ago, is that something that would be considered “out of character”?

I think some people think so.

And on the other side of that coin, are there some parts of each human that will always just be that way, for better or for worse, and that then defines their “character”?

I worry about that because I feel like that idea stagnates people. It puts you in a box — a character box — that you’re told or you decide you couldn’t climb out of if you tried.

I don’t know about you, but I say fuck that idea.

Give me characters who change. Give me people who burn the toxic layers above and below their true skin to show us colors we’ve never seen. If there are permanent characteristics that make you who you are, let them all be positive traits, and never accept the negative associations that others let themselves define you as.

Because you decide your character. And you see the characteristics in others that you choose to see.

And if something isn’t working? Break character. Learn and change and grow and break the fuck out of everything that everyone thought they knew.

And always remember to let the characters in your life do the same.

Save This For Later

December 10th, 2019

This is a heartwarming sequel to a post I wrote about my BFF Steven on his birthday last month. If you hate feeling good or friendship, then you can scroll right on.

Still here? Good. So, to quickly recap my aforementioned post: earlier this year, my battery died when I got to work. Steve took out my old battery, bought me a new one and replaced it in my car, all while I was at work, and before I finished my shift. It was amazing, and an example of who he is as a human.

Now, this morning.

I received a text from Steve: “Wanna do me a favor? 🙂”

His battery had died, and it was still parked at work. He needed a ride back and a jump. I said absolutely not.

Kidding. A few hours later, I picked him up and we got his car started. He had nearly no gas, so I followed him to the station, where he needed another jump.

As we were hooking up the cables, I said to him, “I’m using the strength you gave me before to help you today.” He looked at me quizzically, and then I pointed inside the hood. I was jumping his car using the battery he got for me all those months ago.

And that’s an example of how we all get each other through it. We use the strength that people give us when we didn’t have it for ourselves, and we share it, when we have the strength to share.

And that is just the kind of thing I have to remember on a day as cold as today. Stay warm, Squirrels. ❤

Two Years

December 9th, 2019

Two years.

It’s been two years today since I had my last drink. Fun fact: that last drink was a small bottle of Sauvignon Blanc that I had sitting in my trunk; it was the last bottle of booze I had left. I drank it so fast I only tasted it afterword, and then I decided I was going to stop. At that point, I wasn’t sure if it was going to be forever. But I had to know if I could quit for at least a few days.

A few days later, I ended up in the hospital, hallucinating and completely broken, lost over who I was. I’ve written about this part before (some of it is quite funny, most of it was the worst thing ever and I don’t recommend it), but it led to me understanding that drinking was just never going to be a part of who I was ever again.

I talk a lot. If you follow me at all, you know that. On Facebook, I don’t just tell you what I’m watching, like a normal person; I write paragraphs and passages about what I think and how things make me feel that no one really asks for. On Instagram, I’m even worse; I break the “pretty picture, clever caption” rule like it’s my job, regularly composing page-long monologues about whatever it is that I need to say that day. I do this so often they’re the base of my new website (shameless plug, enter my name plus “dot com” and you’re there).

So, in celebrating this anniversary, I decided that I had to dig deep. Pick a secret that nobody knows and share it, with the hope that it can be helpful.

I knew which secret right away. I wish I didn’t, but I did, and here it is:

I was embarrassed to ever be yours.

Whether I was your friend, or brother, or son, or nephew, or co-worker, or significant other, or dad, I spent most of my life deeply ashamed that I was that person in your life.

My relationship with this shame and guilt, as you can imagine, was both irrational and toxic. I could love other people, but I could never love myself, because how could I? I wasn’t good at anything, and I was decent at best at the things I could do. I was naturally anxious, and awkward, and my relationship with the darkness of the world was confusing and fluid. Understanding right and wrong became a series of mistakes and rationalizations. And to even begin to get past this, I had to give in completely.

So why am I sharing this? It’s not for a want of pity or a cry for help.

No, I tell you this because I don’t think I’m the only one.

I don’t hear a lot of people talk like this. Not without it being drenched in humor or diluted as a meme. And I think it’s important to say and normalize, because it wasn’t just killing me emotionally; I was literally killing myself slowly every single day, and I didn’t know how to get out.

I don’t give advice. At least, I try not to. So all I can do is tell you what I did.

And what I had to do was believe in something.

And by something, I mean anything. Anything that wasn’t myself, and anything that was more than a drink. Something that made me want to be better, something that made me want to be kinder. And I had to hold on to that something like my life depended on it because, like I said, it fucking did.

And then once I fully believed in something, I added another thing to believe in. And then another one. And another one. Until I had a collection of things that were bigger than me that I completely had faith and believed in.

And then I understood if someone like me could believe in all these people and things, then I could believe in myself.

And I do.

I like me. I think I’m a valuable piece of this world. I’m not perfect, but more importantly, I know that. I spend a lot of time thinking about and doing things that I believe make me and the universe better.

And that’s the lesson.

As I start year three, I have new things I want to do. I have new goals I want to achieve, and a whole galaxy to explore.

But on a day like today it feels so good to say:

I feel proud to be yours.

Thank you. ❤

Happy Holidays, Thank You & Brand New Website!

December 7th, 2019

Happy weekend, family and friends — longtime and brand new! I hope this letter finds you with a perfectly piping cup of cocoa, tremendously thick socks wrapped around your toes and a purring pet passed out by your feet. Wherever you are, I hope you’re well and having a peaceful season.

I love the holidays. Not a particular day or tradition; just this time of year, when people tend to reflect on themselves and try to be better humans to one another. I see it every day, and it’s the kind of cheesy warmth that coats my heart. I know the holidays are not everybody’s favorite, but I hope you can find the positive light of the season in your life.

Now I want to say: thank you. This was my first full year as a comic creator, and “full” is the perfect word to describe it; it was so full, and all because of you. I just added the people I met at GalaxyCon in November to the mailing list, and the list is over 500 people long now from this last year alone. Each person on that list I met in real life — one by one, they’re people that I got to know, got to adore, got to connect to, and get to remain lifelong friends and acquaintances with. People like you. And these were just the folks who filled out a giveaway guess; I literally met thousands of people at conventions and gatherings throughout Minnesota in 2019 (and the last half of 2018). Thank you for talking to me, for listening to me, for giving me the fuel I needed to get off the ground and to just get up in the morning some days. You’re the secret ingredient to how I get things done.

If you did attend GalaxyCon and are wondering: “How many stars were on the bowl?!” The answer? 404. The closest guess was Piper with 406, and her free copy of The Flying Squirrel is in the mail and will be there before Christmas. We give over here at Sleeping KItty Productions; at least one winner per con, for giveaways in the double digits! And there will be no slowing down next year.

Speaking of: next year! What’s the plan? Well, some of you know I’m neck-deep in coloring every issue of The Weirdos to be collected and released as a single book — a Collector’s Edition Graphic Novel in 2020. It’s going to be filled with behind-the-scenes and bonus material, and it’s the ultimate cut of The Weirdos’ first story. The definitive origin of these four characters who are so close to my heart it both hurts and heals.

Also: guess what launched today?! MY OFFICIAL WEBSITE! Not a new account on an existing platform; no, dennisvogen.com is a real thing and it is glorious. It’s Dennis+. And it isn’t lacking in content; I chose and carefully curated 75 of my favorite blog posts from across social media over the past few years for you to enjoy. And a link to the shop, and a lake in which to drop me a line. So please do!

2019 was an absolutely amazing year. Thank you again. SO. MUCH. I hope you’ll stay aboard in 2020, because as far as I’m concerned, it’s full speed ahead and we’re sailing through the stars.

Love you all, Squirrels.

Den

Believe In Me Like I Believe In You

That’s a Smashing Pumpkins line for those of you without any game.

December 5th, 2019

What would you do if a complete stranger walked up to you and told you where you’re going to be two years from now?

He’s not guessing. He knows. He tells you that two years from now, you will be happier. He tells you that sights are going to be brighter, tastes are going to be sweeter, sounds are going to be clearer, edges are going to be sharper, weights are going to be lighter and everything else will be a little lighter, too.

You’re going to feel a new freedom. You won’t be, and will never be, perfect. But you’ll have insight into that, and not only will you learn ways to get better, you’ll be eager to use them.

He tells you all of these great things are going to happen to you — “but.”

“But,” he says. “You’re going through some stuff right now. I know that, too. And here’s the deal: if you don’t do something about that, as soon as possible, your life isn’t going to be what I just described. It will be something different. And all I can tell you is that I have seen you do it. You decided, right now, to address the things in your life that are killing you slowly and you did it. So — will you do it?”

What would you say?

I can’t even answer that question for sure. But if you would say yes, if you’d agree to start living right now, then why wouldn’t you say yes to that voice in your own mind and heart that tells you this every single day?

I have a big date coming up, so I get reflective. And I wonder, what if a stranger had done this for me?

So, if it takes a stranger to tell you, then let it be me.

Re-read this post, but now hear it like I’m talking to you. If it doesn’t resonate, or it’s simply not relevant, then I am beyond happy for you and your happiness, and I wish you that always.

But if it takes a stranger to tell you I’ve seen it, you do it, you are so amazing and all it takes is a try — then listen to me. Because I believe in you, and sometimes that’s all it takes to remind you to believe in yourself.

So I hope you can listen to a stranger. But so much more than that, I hope you can start to hear yourself.

Because I’ve seen it. You do it. And you are so amazing.