The Den

We Are Family

December 1st, 2019

Let’s talk about family.

Not just the normal, DNA type. All kinds of family. The holidays mean a lot of different things to different people, and that’s mostly because of family and how you define it; how much you have, or don’t have, the strengths of those bonds and qualities of those relationships and what it actually means to be a family.

This is going to sound stupid (and when has that ever deterred me before?), but I was watching the Titans finale last night, and Dick Grayson (aka Nightwing) said two words at dinner that really made me understand it.

He was talking about how the strongest families can be made up of strays, which is how he sees the Titans. People who don’t fit into a particular box who find kinship with others who fall outside it, too.

He then says that what holds these families together is a lot stronger than blood; they are held together by a sense of duty and devotion.

That’s it.

And that turned on a lightbulb in my heart. Because that’s what a family is to me, and it draws a blueprint for anyone who’s looking for one.

I was blessed with a wonderful family through DNA; that doesn’t happen for everyone, and I appreciate it like the lightning double rainbow it is. But our literal connection wouldn’t mean anything if we weren’t committed to seeing each other, and listening to each other, and helping each other when we need it. A lot of you know some of the things I’ve been through, and my family was there every step of the way. They are essential to me.

And then I think about my other families, like my work family. The co-workers who I consider my family have a sense of duty and devotion not only to me, but to the job we do. That sense bleeds through us and it makes us stronger as humans, whether we consciously know it or not.

And now this is the important part: some people hate the holidays because of family, or the lack thereof. But Batman, of course, gives Dick advice: we get the impulse to turn inward when things get hard. If he wants to be a part of a team, then he needs to treat everyone else like they’re a part of it, too.

And that’s family.

I hope you all can share a place of peace at the table this season. ❤

With Great Power, Comes Great Empathy

November 23rd, 2019

Kid at the party tonight: “Hey, um, Spider-Man. I have a question for you. Can I ask you something?”

Me: “Anything. What’s up, buddy?”

Kid: “I was playing your game at home and I was wondering… What happened to your parents?”

Me: “Oh. Hm… my parents were in a plane crash when I was little. I live with my aunt now.”

Kid: “Oh. I didn’t know. I am so sorry, Spider-Man. That must really suck. I’m sorry.”

Me: (Choking back tears behind the mask) “That’s okay, bud. That means a lot.”

Superheroes teach empathy. Too many adults are mostly concerned with things that don’t matter, like money or material things, to consider important stuff like this. In fact, a lot of adults, even in the creative world, have gone so far as to ridicule and dismiss superhero culture altogether.

But not me.

I’m lucky enough that I get to frequently work and be around people who are inspired every day — to be kind, to be courageous, to fight for what they believe in and to be compassionate towards others.

Don’t listen to those adults who try to make you and what you love less than what it is.

Because those kind of people never ask about Spider-Man’s parents.

Letting Go

November 19th, 2019

Last week, I was feeling down.

One chilly afternoon I was listening to some of my friends speak from the heart, and one of them said something that somehow explained and helped me understand it.

He said, “Now when I get up in the morning, I just have to remind myself and accept that I’m going to have to let something go today.”

It made feel stupid how brilliant and simple and true that is.

At least once in your timeline from this morning through tonight, you will have to let something go.

It might be small. You might bump your elbow on a corner. Someone could cut you off in traffic. No one will be hurt, you’ll be irritated, for sure, but to get on with your day you’re going to have to let it go.

It might be huge. It could be a job you have to let go. Or an amazing opportunity. Or, sometimes, a person. And it might scratch and peel and kill at you, but in some way or another, you’re going to have to let it go.

And you could argue that’s not true.

And I would respond: “That’s because you’re not letting it go.”

By accepting, before it begins, that today will bring something we have to let go, it can make it easier when it arrives. And if not easier, the expectation of that decision at least prevents you from being blindsided by having to make a choice like this at all.

Letting go isn’t bad. Oftentimes, it’s actually good or even the best. But it’s almost always hard.

So I hope letting go becomes a part of who you are, and I hope it makes you appreciate the things you get to keep.

I’m still a little down — but knowing I can let that go, too, gives me hope. ❤

Scaredy Cat

November 16th, 2019

I’m terrified, you guys.

If you’ve heard me talk at all about what’s next for me, you know that I’m collecting all the issues of The Weirdos, coloring them and releasing it as a Collector’s Edition graphic novel next year.

And I’m petrified to try to really get started.

I’ve been putting it off for weeks, taking the first real steps towards splashing digital colors on the page. I mean, I can do this. I went to art school. For three quarters. I’ve studied color and I grew up with Crayolas. I have a new tablet and a workhorse laptop.

But I’m still scared.

And that’s why I’m writing this post.

A little over a year ago, I had one issue of a comic book in a planned series out, and I was sitting at a table telling everyone what was to come. The other issues were still just ideas and sketches and storyboards and scripts. .
I was scared then, too.

And then I put in the work. And I put out two more stories in the series. And the cycle repeated. “Just wait until the next one.” And the next one didn’t exist yet, just like these two hadn’t. So, again, I put in the work.

A few months ago, the last stories of the first volume came out, and I was proud. I had done what I said I was going to do. And then it started again. I had to talk about what was next. And this is it, and this, like it always is — it’s hard.

So it starts. I’m learning new things and I’m using skills I’ve already learned and have been sharpening my whole life. If you have any words of encouragement, I’ll take them like candy.

Writing about how I’m scared, makes me less scared. Doing things that scare me to think about, makes me less scared.

Happy weekend to you, and I hope you’re finding ways to put aside your fears, and taking time to chisel some marble dreams. Don’t wait until next year. This day is here now.

Be Here Now

November 6th, 2019

There will always be people there to remind you of who and what you used to be.

Someone who, instead of celebrating your achievements of the moment, will tell you how you would have previously failed.

Someone who will mention how you used to act as opposed to how you’re behaving right now.

Someone who describes the person you used to be like it isn’t part of the person you are today.

And most of them won’t do it maliciously. I mean, some of them will. But they usually mean well and it’s well-tread road, what we know of good intentions.

And you’ll be hurt. You’ll be confused. You’ll be angry. You will really want to say something, to tell that person how hard you work, how far you’ve come, and how you don’t even hate the person you used to be — you pity them. You feel sad for them and you want to help them and you don’t think it’s fair to pick on them from the future. You’ll really want to say something but you won’t, and if you do, it could never express the complex feelings that you feel.

And then there’s your dog.

All she wants and cares about is you right now.

She knows all the trials and tribulations you’ve faced, the uncertain anxiety of the future, the everyday war of life — and she doesn’t care about all that.

She cares about this you, in this moment, right now, because she knows this is the only you that matters.

And this is the only thing that can save us.

A dog knows that life is made up of a few precious moments, and that the most important one is the one that’s happening right now.

Keep going.

Even, or especially, when it seems like other people are stuck.

To Us

October 25th, 2019

This is a shout out (and a lift up) to the crazy people like me: to those of you who have collaborative hearts, but have found that in order to make any of your dreams a reality, you have to do it yourself.

It doesn’t matter what your dream is, either. You could be a photographer who, if you actually sat at a desk and did the math, makes 25 cents an hour — when you figure the real time you spend doing everything it takes to keep that life alive. Or someone who wants to run a marathon, so you buy your own shoes, to lace up at 4:30 every morning before everyone else gets up, and you start eating terribly tasteless food because it’s better for you and all you want to do is run.

You might be like me, too, in that you’ve wanted to work with others. Maybe you tried to build a team, and it fell apart. Maybe you looked for people with specific skills or talents, and found an empty field. Maybe — and this is what has happened to me the most — you end up being the only part of something who can actually see a project through to the end.

Because making something is hard.

But you know NOT making something is harder.

In fact, with nearly all of the unfinished projects in my life (of which there are some!), the reason I couldn’t complete them is because one person just wasn’t enough. I think of why I had to stop playing live shows, or why I stopped working on my film, and it’s not because they were tasks that were just hard for one person to complete — they were impossible. And it broke my heart to admit, but it allowed me to move on.

I’m not the most confident artist, and I’m open about that. People ask me then, and often, why I chose to draw my own comics.

And the answer is simple, and it’s the only thing, in my opinion, that makes an artist an artist.

It’s because I had to.

So this is a shout out to the people who have to. To the people who take their natural, sky-high anxiety to a higher stratosphere — on purpose! — in order to reach some ineffable dream. To the people who push through stress and tears and lows in search of peaks and thrills and highs.

To the people like me: folks who have to do the things that seem crazy to keep themselves sane.

Save Me

October 21st, 2019

You can’t save everyone. And, some days, it feels like you can’t save anyone.

When you make it to the other side of certain hardships or experiences, you find yourself wanting to share how you did it in the hopes that you can help another human. That maybe you can prevent a person from making the mistakes that you made before they make them, too. Or if they’ve made or are making the same ones, you can give them hope that through work it can all work out.

This is not how it always plays out in real life.

I try to do this and be that person as much as I can, and I am also equipped with the wisdom that I can’t and won’t help a lot of people, for a whole variety of reasons.

Knowing this doesn’t stop me from feeling like an absolute failure sometimes, though. I consistently and regularly feel like I let my friends, family, co-workers and complete strangers down. It’s a sticky feeling that lives in my ribs and weighs down my heart.

And then I think about all the times that something or someone helped me when I needed it. And I wonder: what if that thing or person had given up before it got to me? Who would I be then? Because for every day I feel helpless and that I have done nothing of significant worth, I think of the days where I met a sign post that told me I was going in the right direction.

And it keeps me going.

You can’t save everyone. But knowing that won’t prevent your heart from breaking when you don’t — and it won’t stop you from getting up and trying again tomorrow anyway.

Gossip, Girl

October 15th, 2019

Gossip is awful.

I am also terribly guilty of it. I would never assume you are or have been, too, because that would be gossiping and I am no fool to these self-imposed tricks.

One of the best tools I’ve learned in battling the deeply natural act of talking shit about one another is to ask myself: when I’m speaking about another human being, which unfortunately is a thing we all have to do on a regular basis, am I speaking objectively or subjectively? Am I stating facts to support a point I am trying to make, or am I saying things about this person that are irrelevant to this story or are completely my opinion?

And if I am speaking subjectively about a person, am I doing it in either a positive way or with the intention of wanting to help that person, assuming I can.

Because, if I’m not, I need to gently remind myself to shut the hell up.

There are times when we need to vent, and that too is completely natural. But if I am in my resting state and the first thing I want to do is dive into another person’s less-than-perfect life decisions, then something is wrong with ME.

Gossip is awful. But making the next right decision is easy.

I haven’t posted a Spidey pic in a while and this one is excellent; our words are powerful. And with them, something something responsibility. You know the drill.

Open Line

October 10th, 2019

Bad vibes in Minnesota right now.

But I see good vibes online right now; post after post about mental health awareness, and the normalization of this kind of discussion is something I am passionately for.

In fact: it deeply informs my work today.

Here is my pitch for The Weirdos: this is a story about people, with problems, who have potential. Ashley (The Flying Squirrel) is an alcoholic. Axis (The Sketch) has depression to the point where she is suicidal. Moe (The Blue-Ringer) has cancer, and Das (The Wait) had a traumatic childhood, and deals with anger issues now as an adult. They each end up at a rehab facility called Lake Mary, where they form a group called The Weirdos.

Ultimately, this is a story about how we all suffer, and how I believe that the way through that is connection and support.

When I started this comic journey, I knew I needed to pour it all in. I had to make something I was passionate about, that I could talk about all day, that could drive me whether it was successful or not, that would inspire conversations with other people, that would be something that you could hopefully relate to on a deeper, more personal level.

Comic books have saved my life over and over again. And I hope all of you find the things that make you live.

We need to talk. We need to listen. I know I can do better with the latter.

Happy Mental Health Awareness Day. And not an empty gesture: if you ever need to talk, I am always willing to hear you.

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Email: thenextstepislast@yahoo.com
Phone: 507.210.1591

No Joke

She still loves me despite my cone torture.

October 9th, 2019

Two guys walk out of a bar.

It doesn’t really matter why they walked out. And this isn’t the start of a joke. No, this is something entirely different.

So, two men tried leaving the restaurant tonight. The reasons themselves don’t matter and don’t even appear clear to me; but they are furious and they have decided to take their business elsewhere.

For other reasons I cannot explain — I stop them. One of the guys is holding the door open outside already, so I walk up to him and I tell him to come back in. I explain to him that despite what has happened thus far, I will be personally taking care of him from here on out.

They sit down. They have a truly excellent meal. They heap a lot of love and praise on the experience they had. But that is also not what this story is about. No, it is about something entirely different.

See, I had no intention of stopping those angry men. For real. My rational brain wanted to, and has, let people like them go. No, something else happened. It was instinctual. And I have only one explanation.

I think I talk so much shit about doing the right thing all the time that it is now my default mode.

Which means anyone can do it, too.

I, for the record, do not do the right thing every time. Not by a long shot. I have fucked up more times most mornings than you will all day. Fucking up is my cup of coffee.

But I have changed my thinking considerably, and I notice the difference it makes all the time. I immediately (or mostly immediately) recognize any kind of problem or defective thinking, even if I can’t do anything about it in the moment. And even if it doesn’t do anything in that instant, it gradually wears grooves in my mind where better behavior can live.

It sounds crazy but it works. Whenever you have a bad thought, you don’t have to change it — but you do have to recognize it. And hopefully your behavior, which you can change, will follow.

Because tonight, two guys walked out of a bar, for a second time. And they were really glad they did.