October 15th, 2021 I wrote this weeks ago, but this has been a difficult one to let go into the world. As of tomorrow, the 16th, my mom has been gone for one whole orbit around the sun. In that year, I’ve told a lot of stories about her and how I feel some daysContinue reading “The Monster”
Tag Archives: Depression
float on
October 8th, 2021 It’s spooky season, so it’s finally appropriate that everything feels so ephemeral to me. Sometimes loss feels like weight, but lately it has felt like nothing at all, smoke that used to be wood that you realize you never could have actually carried forever. That scares me. When I was young, IContinue reading “float on”
Something > Nothing
September 28th, 2021 Someone close to me shared a video of a TED Talk about anxiety yesterday morning. I am nothing if not consistently anxious; if anxiety were an electrical current, I am always at a level where you would receive a static shock if you tapped on my shoulder. Beyond describing the different formsContinue reading “Something > Nothing”
buoy
September 17th, 2021 I was trying to describe how it can feel to open up to someone tonight and it felt oddly comforting to find the words and say them. It was about why someone who is hurting may not reach out to another person who is hurting, too, but might rather seek to speakContinue reading “buoy”
Dark Dreams
September 10th, 2021 “I know this sounds like a happy, impossibly perfect ending, but it’s not. I have to work really hard for this. It’s not easy to talk. It’s not easy to ask for help. It’s not easy to accept that others want to help. Like cancer, there is always the fear that itContinue reading “Dark Dreams”
It Should (Not) Have Been Me
September 9th, 2021 There can be an odd guilt with grief that, if understood, can actually be a good thing. I often talk about all these tools I’ve learned as an adult, sober person, but I usually refer to them in the abstract. One of the specific tools I have to take out of theContinue reading “It Should (Not) Have Been Me”
The Power of Positivity, Or I Just Watched The First Season of Ted Lasso And I Have A Lot Feelings To Share With You That I Hope You’ll Read
September 5th, 2021 “It’s the hope that kills you.” It’s a sentiment shared by every Minnesota sports fan and an ironic motto in the show Ted Lasso. Oh, you haven’t seen Ted Lasso? Let me join the mob of fans telling you to watch it now. It’s a show about two kinds of football, sure,Continue reading “The Power of Positivity, Or I Just Watched The First Season of Ted Lasso And I Have A Lot Feelings To Share With You That I Hope You’ll Read”
Crocodile Fears
August 22nd, 2021 There was this game we used to play with a plastic crocodile when I was a kid. I’m not sure if our role was as dentist or some sadistic torturer (I mean, why would any animal need ALL its teeth removed?), but to take a turn would require you to choose andContinue reading “Crocodile Fears”
A Million Tiny Balls
August 19th, 2021 I’ve been seeing a lot of people lately sharing insights about how we should be gentle with ourselves. That the phrase “unprecedented times” has never applied to more unprecedented times. That the modern world has pushed, pulled, squished and smooshed us in every emotional and psychological way possible. I couldn’t agree more.Continue reading “A Million Tiny Balls”
More Than I Deserve
August 10th, 2021 I’ve mostly learned the ways to curb, deal with or soothe those devastating feelings of crushing loneliness I get when I think about my mom. Mostly. Sometimes something said will stick in my ribs, or hurt like chewed tinfoil in my head. With those, too, I can usually use my tools toContinue reading “More Than I Deserve”
The Den 