October 20th, 2021 Almost four years ago, when I started writing about things that people generally don’t talk about on the internet, it was scary. I remember laying in a hospital bed and weighing the pros and cons of sharing these pieces of myself. There was a large part of me that felt like IContinue reading “So What”
Tag Archives: Loss
The Monster
October 15th, 2021 I wrote this weeks ago, but this has been a difficult one to let go into the world. As of tomorrow, the 16th, my mom has been gone for one whole orbit around the sun. In that year, I’ve told a lot of stories about her and how I feel some daysContinue reading “The Monster”
float on
October 8th, 2021 It’s spooky season, so it’s finally appropriate that everything feels so ephemeral to me. Sometimes loss feels like weight, but lately it has felt like nothing at all, smoke that used to be wood that you realize you never could have actually carried forever. That scares me. When I was young, IContinue reading “float on”
buoy
September 17th, 2021 I was trying to describe how it can feel to open up to someone tonight and it felt oddly comforting to find the words and say them. It was about why someone who is hurting may not reach out to another person who is hurting, too, but might rather seek to speakContinue reading “buoy”
Dark Dreams
September 10th, 2021 “I know this sounds like a happy, impossibly perfect ending, but it’s not. I have to work really hard for this. It’s not easy to talk. It’s not easy to ask for help. It’s not easy to accept that others want to help. Like cancer, there is always the fear that itContinue reading “Dark Dreams”
It Should (Not) Have Been Me
September 9th, 2021 There can be an odd guilt with grief that, if understood, can actually be a good thing. I often talk about all these tools I’ve learned as an adult, sober person, but I usually refer to them in the abstract. One of the specific tools I have to take out of theContinue reading “It Should (Not) Have Been Me”
The First Anniversaries of a Dog & a Living
September 1st, 2021 Today, I celebrate not one, but two one-year anniversaries: my employment at Harry’s, and the surprise release of my fifth book, Theia. Losing my job at Old Chicago forever was awful, particularly the way that it happened. To use a exceptionally bad metaphor, it was like I was married for almost 13Continue reading “The First Anniversaries of a Dog & a Living”
Crocodile Fears
August 22nd, 2021 There was this game we used to play with a plastic crocodile when I was a kid. I’m not sure if our role was as dentist or some sadistic torturer (I mean, why would any animal need ALL its teeth removed?), but to take a turn would require you to choose andContinue reading “Crocodile Fears”
A Million Tiny Balls
August 19th, 2021 I’ve been seeing a lot of people lately sharing insights about how we should be gentle with ourselves. That the phrase “unprecedented times” has never applied to more unprecedented times. That the modern world has pushed, pulled, squished and smooshed us in every emotional and psychological way possible. I couldn’t agree more.Continue reading “A Million Tiny Balls”
More Than I Deserve
August 10th, 2021 I’ve mostly learned the ways to curb, deal with or soothe those devastating feelings of crushing loneliness I get when I think about my mom. Mostly. Sometimes something said will stick in my ribs, or hurt like chewed tinfoil in my head. With those, too, I can usually use my tools toContinue reading “More Than I Deserve”
The Den 